Disconnected.

It was a weird week last week. The phrase my best friend used was "stuck in a rut". That's exactly what I was- stuck in an emotional rut.

I wrote my last post about feeding negativity after a week of doing just that. I had managed to wiggle myself into this weird mindset and this entirely weird situation where I managed to do all of the things I mentioned in my post that feed negativity. I sat on Instagram and stalked fitness gurus and pretty girls, I managed to convince myself my friends would be happier and better off without me, I stayed home and ate bad food and generally distanced myself from all the people I really love. My mum didn't really know what to do because even though she and I were both kind of aware of the weird mood that seemed to have descended over this little brain of mine, but I couldn't even put my finger on why I felt so unbelievably down all week.


Now to be honest there was a reason for my negativity, I had a conversation with my best friend that ended on a weird tone and for a while after we had talked and seen each other but it really hadn't felt the same. It's very difficult to explain this in a way that makes actual sense when put together in words. We had hung out with our group of friends and laughed and messaged each other about little things but we just hadn't had a conversation that had any substance to it? Eventually yesterday evening both of us had come out with the fact we'd felt weird and out of sync and generally really down and upset without really knowing how to, or whether we should address the situation. It was like a physical weight had been lifted off my chest, I hadn't realised it had been crushing me until my friend pointed it out. It sounds insane, you would think you should be able to identify something that causes you such unhappiness and cultivates so much negativity, but it just didn't happen for me this time.

Long story short, we just didn't communicate with each other because we felt silly about how we felt, maybe even a little irrational. I for sure felt like I was just being neurotic about the whole situation, having decided in my own mind no one wanted or needed me for anything and I should move to Canada and live in a shack with no internet connection because my online presence would be unmissed and everyone would have a great time without me and the world was ending and the general dramatic insane crap that runs through my head when I completely fall to my anxieties. Talking it through and voicing our issues and insecurities meant we could deal with them and talk to each other and work things out. We both felt so so much better after we looked at the weirdness that had been surrounding us for too long and it's like the whole bizarre atmosphere was just lifted off us- we had safely escaped our weird emotional rut.

I wanted to write this post with this little anecdote about my life for 2 reasons. Firstly I wanted my little bog to be real, for me and for the tiny group of people who seem to read it (I appreciate every single one of you, I'm looking at you too Mamma). I wanted this blog to be something that I can use to have a positive voice even if it's a really small scale thing, but I feel like my voice could be miscontrued as fake, or as preachy, which was something I could absolutely not stand when I was at my worst. What I mean by that is I don't feel like I will write a realistic view on life if I don't address in some way that sometimes things get hard. That we aren't super strong and we're not always mindful and sometimes our own thoughts overwhelm us massively. I guess what I wanted to present was the fact I am in no way perfect, I am not mindful everyday, I still have some days that are really a struggle when it comes to anxiety and negativity. I guess what I'm trying to say is I want to share the fact that we all fall off, you haven't failed because you didn't do so great this morning, or this week. You can fall off that's not failing, giving up and laying on the ground and letting negativity hit you could be failing, so just get up and dust yourself off, grab a metaphorical band aid (little bar of chocolate, a couple of episodes of The Office, maybe cry a little bit to someone you love, or maybe just a little to yourself) and pull it back together so you can proceed with living rather than existing.

The second reason I wanted to write this post is because I wanted to talk about interaction and how the current state of society affects the ways in which we interact- the world we live in now, built on technology and the notion of "social networks", allowing us to be interconnected in ways our parents generation can barely begin to comprehend, is a new world. I wanted to talk about how we are all so connected in so many ways, and yet people are feeling, more than ever before, alone. We can feel so disconnected from each other and honestly, I think in a world where conversing is so convenient and easy, that we've stopped being able to communicate.

Every second of the day we can scroll our way into each others lives. Its a matter of tapping a few screens and we're suddenly, privately, involved with each others lives, the photos from last nights party, that awesome day trip, those crazily cute dates, those new shoes, the fancy new makeup, car, baby... It is easier than ever to immerse yourself in a world that isn't yours, and with this new found power, although it is amazing, we are faced with new challenges.

We can do so much with our interconnected world. We can reach out to total strangers across the world, joined together by a shared love. We can find fans, friends- we have seen over the last few years that fan culture has developed into something bigger and crazier than we've ever experienced before. That's just one of the things we can now do using our connections. People literally create communities, Directioners and Belieber's are a prime example of a community created out of the world we live in. Tweeting, posting, hashtags and fanficiton, today's fans have a bigger voice than ever, a greater connection to their idols.We live in this strange world, where on-line communities, fuelled by the emotions of teen and pre-teen girls that made a few floppy hair lads into some of the most influential individuals on the planet. We have created a world of wealth and power for these boys out of a group of fans so international, so tight knit and at times mildly insane, that we created idols faster than we ever have before. That's crazy.

But here is the thing, in this new world we live in, this free world where we can express ourselves in ways we never could before we face new challenges too. It has become so easy, in the blur of profile pictures and likes and tweets, to lose our identities in trying to establish one. Being online is a way to establish a presence in the world. We are affected emotionally due to our exposure to each other. You can see other people's wealth, happiness, idyllic living situation. You can see the bottom row of Kylie Jenner's shoe collection and hate yourself a little bit, see those fast cars and toned model legs and clear skin you always wanted. You can scroll through Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pintrest- you could even do it old school and just Google stuff, but we can access images instantly. We live in a world where materialistically we can see everything we could ever want, but don't necessarily have. It has been argued that our society in the west now is also totally consumerist, in that individuals associate the acquisition of material items with happiness. So if we can always see what we don't have, the surely the way we live now can't be healthy for our emotional well-being?

We have lost our ability to talk to each other, exemplified in how most people my age, get really nervous talking to people they don't know so well on the phone. We are comfortable behind a monitor, or our phone screens. We are the children of the text. It is safe, it is secure, we can be whoever we want, sound as confident as we like and no one has to see we're in pyjamas with a tiny bit of custard on our cheek, or that we've watched about 4 episodes of 'My Drunk Kitchen' and the entire first series of Game of Thrones. Talking on the phone requires the ability to interact in a somewhat 'real world' sense with those around us, and it freaks us the hell out.

This was my issue with my friend: we hadn't communicated so we were both left in this rut feeling wholly isolated and weird. The second we resolved our feelings and issues together we suddenly realised how crazy we were for not sharing our thoughts with each other before- because we tell each other a bunch of stuff. We both know how much better it is to talk to each other and still chose to suffer in silence by ourselves- in hindsight crazy, but something I used to do a lot a couple of years ago.

Relationships have suffered. The way that we go about getting each others attention, what is regarded as romantic has changed drastically. We rely on likes and comments and that kind of validation to make us feel a sense of love. I'm not even going to discuss how social media and popular culture has affected the way adultery and treatment of women is viewed because that's a whole other ball game. But I think it's important to see that we have led ourselves into a world where the way we treat each other is depicted all over the place, expectations of relationships and trends etc #RelationshipGoals are going crazy! We need to stop viewing romance and love as this thing to check off a list. We need to stop using other people's relationships as our structure of how to live life. The whole point of love is that it's a feeling, the spontaneity of the thing is what makes it special, what brings people together- and we're losing that. We're not communicating with each other, people don't call t tell you goodnight, and a text can be misunderstood, tones are misinterpreted and it's hard for genuine emotion to be expressed and understood.

Material consumption is on a NEW LEVEL because companies have gone beyond advertising. Instagram has done their job for them, we see images on social media every day of the bag, the shoes, the jeans. Blogs and Tweets, statuses from celebrities, beautiful girls, "ballers"- we see the material life that so many of us dream of. We see a life someone has. We see a life we want, the things we want, and consequently strive to buy and achieve. In some ways this is a very good thing expanding the idea of meritocracy and competition in society to achieve this idyllic lifestyle- but it also means trends and fashions become an obsession on new level. Girls in shorts, plaid shirts and Timbilands after evry Chris Brown video, Chanel bags selling out after Kendall Jenner gets a new one- I mean jeez the Kylie Jenner lip challenge! We are so disconnected from the real world trying to be like that, trying to achieve this materialistic equilibrium that we believe will bring us bliss. It's crazy.

I'm not sure what I wanted to achieve through this post other than to address the issue of becoming disconnected from the world around us and the communication issues it leads to. I guess it's just something that concerns me, because as social creatures we need each other, and it's important that we know that: other people feel the same way we do. Other people go through similar experiences to ourselves, other people understand or are there for us or want to listen. Honestly, it got to be a bit of a rant in the end and I started to sound like my wonderful Grandma about half way through, so I think I'm going to stop and leave it there- but those are just my thoughts. We need to remember the importance of real interaction, how to stay connected with each other on a human level, because there's a good chance we can forget how to do it.

Feeding negativity.

So there's this natural thing that people do when they fall into that really strange and lonely cycle of negativity. When our own heads overwhelm us and everything really does feel like you're the only person around, it feels like nobody else cares, like nobody else wants to hear about the craziness and emptiness in your head- and it's a very weird place to be. The thing that people do is this: they take their negative experience and mindset and they start to feed that negativity.

We can fall into this loop where loneliness or sadness, anger or nothingness becomes what we know and what we're used to. For example, if we're used to being alone we will cancel plans and stay in all night thinking about those plans. We will take personally the "seen" messages and resent ourselves or other people for our loneliness, falling deeper into a negative mindset.

That's just one example of how people feed negativity. Negativity in any form, bad energy or karma or flow, or whatever label you want to give it, can be fed on the smallest things that we do- we can be our biggest obstacle. Why? Because our brains are amazing. We have the capacity to build ourselves into this incredible human being using our own heads. We can decide we are beautiful, we can decide we are confident and capable and that we can achieve whatever limits our own brain puts on us. Successful people do this a lot, they believe they can so they do. Our brains are our biggest enablers.

Equally, our brains can be our greatest obstacle. We can convince ourself we are alone, that we are less than, that we are sad or chubby or inadequate. We have the power to reduce ourselves into darkness, make ourselves feel small and insignificant.



It's so easy to feed a negative mindset- you have a bad day, a bad experience with a person or you make someone upset. you're stressed about work or school and you come home and crash. Your body is in overdrive because you're anxious or stressed or sad and therefore you feel this heavy tiredness. You don't want to move, you don't want to eat good food and socialise and go forward, you just want to it and be sad and soak it up. You want to watch trashy TV and wonder about Kim Kardashian's issues more than your own, you want to binge eat crappy food and scroll through Instragram and feel NEGATIVE.

Don't be embarrassed, don't feel like by stating this stuff I'm trying to call you out on your flaws because everyone does this. Sometimes it's good to feel sad and binge and feel a little sorry for yourself BUT it is not acceptable or healthy to let yourself do this every time something bad happens. The same way an alcoholic responds destructively to hardships in life by picking up a bottle of wine, tequila with breakfast, vodka midweek to soften the blow of work on Thursday morning... people who allow themselves to be consumed by negativity feed it through their actions. You sleep when you need to be productive, you miss out on hanging out with your friends, socialising networking, living your life!? By choosing negativity, feeling sorry for yourself as my mum used to (quite harshly) put it.

The act of choosing negativity can affect people badly in many ways. You have to think of happiness as a total choice that you're in control of. You can choose happiness. You can choose to let those little things get to you and ruin your day or you can pick yourself up and get on with it. You are the only person who can truly control how you feel, you have the capacity to identify and control your emotions, so why not do it in a way that improves your life?

When you're trying to have a less negative outlook on life, appreciate what you're doing and remove yourself from feelings of unhappiness, loneliness or just plain emptiness it's really important to be able to identify in your own mind where and how to make a change. Once you can identify your moods, your triggers and your actions you can then make changes that will enable you to cope better and handle your day to day challenges more effectively.

Life is never going to be perfect, and it's also too short to lie to yourself and think that there is an end goal of a perfect life. t's just not going to happen- you can plan every hour of your days for the rest fo your life, throw money at it, clothes, cars, homes at it, but you will always no matter your situation, face stressful scenarios. You will no matter your walk of life be hurt, be stressed, be anxious or angry or scared at one point or another in your life, we're human, it's an unfortunate side effect of our own condition. You just have to do the best you can to lead a fulfilling and happy life.

This is a list I wrote when thinking about how I tried responding more positively to panic attacks. I used to be at my most productive an optimistic about an hour after I had one, it was this weird time where I was kind of exhausted but also kind of relieved because although often whatever I had been anxious or stressed about was still most likely an issue, after I had a panic attack I tended to rationalise, to plan and organise myself. It's a weirdly ironic time to get a sudden wave of optimism but there we go. Below is a list of things I think are helpful in tying to avoid feeding negativity.

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1. Recognise your behaviour.

When I get into that weird negative head space I've noticed I have a lot of reoccurring behaviour and now that I know what I do when I allow myself to be negative I can recognise it in myself.

I tend to avoid any kind of social interaction. I get sad and lonely and then proceed to make myself feel worse by not messaging anyone or texting anyone to hang out or chat or converse in any way that would improve my mood. I tend to avoid going out and making plans, I convince myself they're going to be a disaster, that people would have a way better time without me and that I am not wanted or needed, therefore resulting in a lot of time spent on the floor of my room trying to find an excuse not to go out and convincing myself I am totally alone in this world that we live in. Looking back on this behaviour in a normal everyday mindset of a fully functional and currently happy person I can see how ridiculous this kind of thing is, but the thing is it happens and it's important no matter how ridiculous your behavioural traits to identify your behaviour and take steps to avoid doing these things.

I listen to really sad or angry music. There's a song for everything, when I was 13 I had my first "boyfriend"- his name was harry, he liked my Facebook profile picture and we held hands a lot. He subsequently broke up with me by text. In fairness I wasn't actually that upset about the break up as both being obscenely awkward with each other it was probably for the best- sorry Harry. I listened to Taylor Swift 'Fearless' album for a week straight and then got over it, it was perfect break up music. I tend to gravitate towards music that fits my mood, if I'm going through a tougher day then you can usually tell by my Spotify playlists. If there's a lot of old school Paramore and loud sad songs then chances are I'm feeding the sad/ angry thoughts in my head and angrily laying on my bed while my laptop plays loudly. After a while I start getting a little too into the songs and the shoutiness and the lyrics and get all resentful and upset- more than I even was before? If I can feel myself doing that I tend to stop or switch the track to something less heavy or more positive.

I get pissed off at every little thing, and I mean everything. Messiness is my biggest thing when I am upset or anxious. Now here's the thing, I am not a particularly neat freak type person. I don't need to have my room at right angles at all time, there is clean laundry on my bed, my desk, piled in the bottom of my wardrobe. Make-up and hair products litter my floor on a fairly daily basis because even if I put them away they all seem to creep back out of their box when I'm flailing about trying to get ready to go somewhere. I like my room to be clean, like hoovered and dusted, and I couldn't be one of those people who leaves food in their room but I'm not crazy about cleanliness. That is until I'm stressed or upset. I get really  mad if theres plates and cups out of the dishwasher, I hoover with a little bit of craziness if the carpet isn't looking s good. I tidy things into boxes with what my mother has pointed out is a very very serious face on and I get mad at every member of my family for not keeping the house in pristine condition. I now kind of know when I'm getting a little crazy and wiping surfaces with a little bit of malice... I'm nuts when I'm anxious.

2. Productivity makes every person feel better.

The reason I started this blog was to have a positive creative outlet where I could be productive in a way that would benefit both me and other people. I write a lot of little things just in a journal and stuff too, I've always liked writing and being creative, it's always been something I find so satisfying and calming. I tend to find when I am angry or upset I get really fidgety and I need to occupy my time with something. When I redirect my negative energy I tend to get a lot of shit done if I'm honest. I plan a couple of blog posts, my room gets tidied, I cook, I make to do lists- all that kind of stuff is a good and productive use of your time that not only occupies your thoughts and prevents your obsessing over your anxieties but also helps to organise your life and reduce stress in other areas.

3. If you can't help it, limit yourself.

Sometimes even when you are recognising your own behaviour, it can be really difficult to stop what you're doing and return to this normal clam place. Even if you can hear your own thoughts taking a turn for the more depressing side or more anxious side, it can be really difficult to pull yourself together out of that mentality. So if you really can't help but worry or stress or feel sad or lonely- it's totally normal, and acceptable to feel those things, sometimes you need to feel that way for a while so you can process things and THEN move along with your life. So, instead of stopping yourself immediately, limit yourself. Say "I am going to give this 10 minutes more of my time and then I am going to get on with my life", or "I will listen to 2 more sad songs and then get some clothes on and go out after some Beyonce", or "Screw this, I am going to chat to my best friend after I mope about for half an hour max". Do not let your bad moment and bad mood continue through your day, you can have a bad couple of hours, or hour, you can have a bad morning but don't let your mood ruin your own day because that is a slippery slope into being in a bad mood for a couple of days, or weeks, or months.

4. Find out what your quick fixes are. Mine go a little like this...

• Music, the cheesier the better- I tend to swing over to the Taylor Swift, One Direction side of thinks to reaffirm my shocking and mildly irritating belief in love. Then I usually follow with a little Beyonce or Rihanna to remind myself I'm strong and sexy and cool as hell. (I'm not but damn do I feel like it after a few tracks.
• Comfortable clothes- wear something that will make you feel good, that you know you look damn fine in and just put it on. Do your hair or your make-up just for yourself and you don't even have to go out. Just feel good in what you're wearing.
• Funny Youtube videos- vloggers, comedy videos, cat videos, whatever makes you smile!
• Socialising- you won't feel like it but I promise it will help. Make plans to hang out with a friend, talk to them about your worries or don't. Get a coffee, have them come over, make some food, chill out and just talk and interact. I swear it helps to talk to people, it helps to not be alone sometimes even if all you want to do is be by yourself. 

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Every single person in this world deserves to be happy and feel accepted and at peace with their life, every person has the right to live their life to the fullest and experience some level of self fulfilment and joy. Life is not always easy, sometimes it will be a real struggle and we have to cope with those times as best we can- how we handle the tough stuff is what makes us who we are, not our reactions to when life is smooth sailing.

Everyone has the capacity to make themselves happy and live a happy life, you're not only deserving but capable of creating that life for yourself. But, you have to choose that life. It is so so easy to feed negativity and allow it to consume you for days. It's so scary how many days you lose to negative energy, where it feels like you're just floating day to day trying to feel more than emptiness but
it can be so so different, it can be so much better. So don't lose days to that kind of mindset, life is too damn short to lose days over anything, you have to be able to see this bigger picture and make yourself a life you are proud of and happy to lead.

Riding the Waves.

I was reading over some of the posts I used to have on my old blog, little things about dealing with anxiety and mindfulness and I came across this post about riding the waves in life. This was one of the first times I ever fully addressed anxiety and panic attacks and just kind of wrote something straightforward, giving insight into how it can feel and how to deal with it in small ways, so I thought I'd share it because it's still relevant to my life today. I hope you find it helpful!

Recently I have been checking out the whole mindset of being 'mindful' to help me deal with any issues or anxieties I am having about my school work, social or home life, to try and organize my issues and various situations into more manageable chunks. As someone who does tend to panic, worry and generally get very anxious about stupidly small things, I feel like some of the techniques I use and some of the thinking I've been looking at might help other people in a similar position.So if you are the sort of person who has difficulty dealing with their anxieties and huge amounts of jobs then keep reading...

So here we are with the real talk: Sometimes it gets hard.
Sometimes life gets really overwhelming and real and important, and when that happens, everything seems to happen kind of at once. Nothing important or stressful happens by itself, it is always accompanied by other important or stressful things. I know, it sucks- but c'est la vie!
Sometimes there will be periods of time when it feels like nothing is ever going to be okay again.
Everything goes wrong, everything hurts, and the number of things that need to get done start to have an almost physical presence in your life.


1. Let me start by saying you are not alone in that feeling.
That weight, and that stress- that anxiety that keeps crashing into you like a wave, someone else has felt that way. In fact, many other people have felt that way.
So you should take comfort in the fact that your inability to handle and process everything that is happening to you, is something that we have all felt at points in our lives- you're not alone.

2. Breakdowns are human.
We are taught we need to be strong to be successful, this is not untrue. You need to be strong enough to chase your dreams, to be knocked down and to get back up again.
But it is an entirely human response once in a while, to sit down and feel sad- to be overwhelmed, to be emotional. Letting your sadness wash through you, letting the struggle hurt and addressing the fact you're angry or frustrated or upset is actually very healthy. human beings are not designed to be happy or strong all the time, we are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, We are flawed, it is a fundamental feature of our existence. It doesn't matter how pretty, or rich, or successful, or funny, or smart a  person is- they will have flaws. They will have too short a temper, be too harsh on themselves, be too harsh on others, fear relationships, test relationships, have issues with authority, have issues without any authority. The fact is no one is perfect, and the acceptance of our flaws and moments of weakness is okay.

3. Drowning.

Being overwhelmed is a horrible feeling- it's like everything you need to and are expected to do suddenly washes over you when you least expect it. You turn your back on the sea that is your responsibility in life and suddenly you're caught up in a strong salty woosh of horrible things. Jobs pile up, and the more there is the harder that wave hits you- and if you let that wave wash over you and drag you down it feels like you're drowning.
In this instance you have to hold on to something that will keep you afloat. This can be in the form of many things, the least healthy but arguably the easiest of which is people: good, kind, constructive people in your life will help you float to the surface of the problems you are having, by giving you advice and support to get you through.
This is highly effective, although you need to be careful how regularly you do this because those people, for whatever reason, may not always be there to bring you back up, leaving you to cope for yourself. So use people to stay afloat very rarely.
Alternative ways to keep yourself afloat include routine: have a set time to do things, go and sleep, make a little time for yourself, for your family, friends, extra curricular activities. But have them in a regular and achievable routine. This will help normalise your issues, or regulate the waves you feel. Organising yourself to the point you know when those waves or that intense pile up of jobs is going to happen will help you to prepare for their impact. Trust me, it helps.


4. Physical effects of drowning (ie: panic attacks and anxiety)

To deal with the physical effects of your emotional or mental "drowning"in your worries or anxieties it's really important to think about how the effect you physically. The most important is breathing:
breathing slower and more deeply is going to pull your body out of a sense of panic and shock, and once your body starts to stop freaking out, your head should automatically follow. It's like an anchor. Think about how you're sitting and if it is going to make you feel more light headed. Do not sit paralysed, movement helps to get the blood pumping round your body in a non-panicky way. Make sure you move, but as you do make sure you are doing things deliberately with force and focus: this way you don't feel like you're treading water and more like you're swimming to shore. The more you make a conscious effort not to panic and try to improve whatever situation you're in, the faster these overwhelming thoughts and issues can be resolved.

So there we have it, some real talk about how to deal with anxiety on a small and personal scale. I hope you find it helpful, and I'd love to hear anything you have to say about this or anything else I post!

X

The Happiness List.

Literally a list of little things that can make your day better and brighter! Side note: I am in no way qualified at all to tell people how to live their lives. I'm not psychologist, nor do I have any kind of training into how to deal with people or my own kinds of emotions. This is just a little list of things that makes me personally feel better that I've found on my own, or that other people have suggested and really work to give me a temporary happiness fix or get me into a better mood for the day ahead. I guess it's a list of pick-meups really, and I hope you find they help even a little bit to try and shift your mood the way they do mine.

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1. Opening your windows- it doesn't matter the temperature of the day, even if it's cold open your windows for a few minutes and let in some fresh air. Air your little face breathe in some oxygen that hasn't been circulating around your room for 12 hours. I actually really love breathing in fresh air as it rains or after it's rained. Everything is washed and fresh, it's like everything is new. Newness and fresh starts are really important if you're trying to figure out your own feelings in your own head.

2. Drinking a lot of cold water- This is a weird one because y'know, you need water to live and stuff, but water is one thing that I, one: take for granted every single day, and 2: forget about. I so often forget to drinks and make myself tired and dehydrated and basically fizzle out. I never realised how much I really neglect just keeping my body hydrated and it honestly makes such a difference. When I  make a conscious effort to sip water and keep a bottle near me (because c'mon, everyone hates that feeling that your body is sloshing because you downed a whole glass of water- it's better to sip) it improves my levels of energy and efficiency so much in whatever I'm doing.

3. Go for a long ass walk- Walking has always been my mother's remedy for stress relief when it came to me. During the last 3 years when I've had prety serious exams to pass I tend to get pretty damn anxious, I tend to not leave the house and end up gaining weight, losing sight of what is important and generall losing the will to live surrounded by notes and post its and cue cards and posters and... you get the idea. So, if she was home my mum would drag me out of the house for a "quick walk" to "get my circulation going" etc.

It was good for me on many levels, firstly because it allowed me to experience the outside world, two it meant some of the weight I was gaining could be lost in a productive and non-damaging way from my body, thirdly walking always clears my head. Also, I cannot emphasise enough the quality of fresh air and the positive affect it seems to have on me. I never tend to end walks feeling worse, I feel better and brighter. My mum calls it "brushing the cobwebs away", and really that's what it is. Ideas and thoughts and systems in my brain that are kind of stale get a tidy up, the cobwebs and unnecessary junk gets blown away in the wind and my mind is kind of cleaner by the end of it. Mother nature, my personal mental cleaning lady.

The pace at which I walk is usually a pretty good indicator as to how I'm doing: when I walk super slow it's usually because I'm exhausted or just generally don't want to be somewhere (that's usually how I start walks) if I'm walking super fast I'm anxious as hell and trying to work out a zillion things at once- if m pace is slow and steady I tend to be my most productive, making mental lists, taking things literally and metaphorically one step at a time. I think it's really important for me personally to keep that kind of steady pace in the way that I walk. think and generally live my life.

4. Catch up with someone you love. Okay, with this little pick-me-up comes a word of caution. The idea of catching up with someone you love is totally great, chatting, maybe getting things off our chest, discussing life and having a positive experience in general. However it can sometimes be easier said that done. Sometimes people who suffer with anxiety or depression, or for that matter any other kind of mental illness can find their own thoughts and mindset hugely isolating. Things and people lose their appeal and the habit of shrinking away from interaction becomes a norm. Breaking out of this mindset, talking and communicating is so healthy for your own well being. I tend to like quickly messaging my best friend on Facebook or a text or something but sometimes I also like to email my Grandma- I know I'm a baby. But I love my Grandma insane amounts, she's a hilarious and lovely lady and I know she likes to hear from me. I just send her updates about my life and ask her about hers, she lives across the world so it is really important and really nice for us to stay in touch like that. Again doing that makes me feel grounded and the interaction makes me feel wanted and also gives me perspective.

Sometimes though, it's hard because people do not seem to have the time, they're busy or doing something else, caught up in their own lives. It is easy to feel hurt or brushed aside when people don't seem to have the time for you and to that I say two things. Firstly, do not be hurt if someone can't interact with you right when you want them to. I know, you need consolation or affection, you want a quick fix of human interaction to make you feel like you belong and you exist and you are recognised, that is normal.

But sometimes people really may not be able to talk or pause for you right when you want them to- everyone has their own lives and they may need their own time, but that does not mean that they do not care for you and does not mean they will not help you when they can. Secondly, good positive people in your life who make you stronger and lift you up will make time for you. Whether that be dropping what they are doing to speak to you or hang out, or telling you "I can't talk right now" but then making plans to be there for you when they can. People who do not make the effort for you in any way at any time are likely to be negative and toxic people in your life, and let's face it, with the state of the world and our minds the way they are, who need negative energy bringing them down and making them feel alone? Not you.

5. Fresh sheets- these are my ultimate ready made happiness. Fresh sheets straight out of the dryer made up properly on our bed are an ideal way to be as supremely comfortable as is humanely possible. Not only will they feel great, they will smell great too, and you're a lot likelier to get a better nights sleep in a bed you're comfortable in.

6. Mindfulness breathing- I discovered mindfulness some time last year when my anxiety was really at it's very worst. I didn't personally want to resort to pills or even therapy although I do completely value it's advantages and would completely support a persons decision to try either in order to get their head in a better place. I will write a post about mindfulness and the way I use it in my life another time because honestly I could yack on about it for hours. What I mean by mindful bre\thing is kind of like meditation. I take 5, 10, 30 minutes out of my day, however much I need, I take the time to sit and kind of meditate. I usually use a quieter space where I'm by myself and make myself really really aware of how I feel physically.

I sit in a comfortable position and just breathe, I don't let myself think of a single thing that would bother me and just really focus on individual parts of me. How me toes feel on the floor, the temperature of my arms, the weight of my shoulders. (Stretching anything tat is tense and held really helps with the process too.) I do this for long enough for my heart rate to slow down, my skin to get less hot and my head to prioritise what actually matters. I find it a really helpful thing for avoiding panic attacks especially, it just makes you aware of your physical position. During panic attacks people can experience things different depending on the severity of the panic attack, symptoms can vary:
- Shortness of breath or hyperventilation.
- Heart palpitations or a racing heart.
- Chest pain or discomfort.
- Trembling or shaking.
- Choking feeling.
- Feeling unreal or detached from your surroundings.

I find mindfulness can really help you avoid reaching the point of a panic attack and also allowing yourself to be brought back down from one too. Mindfulness just slows everything down, lets everything return to normal again.

6. Escapism using the internet, ie: YouTube. Okay, this is again another technique for finding a little pleasant space and peace that I would advocate but with caution. When dealing with a negative mindset and energy in your life it can be really helpful, as well as a bit of a reality check, to use a little escapism. The internet if perfect for this, and especially youtube. YouTube stars have really made it big in recent years as the platform continues to grow and develop into something new and innovative, inspiration and influential. From a young age I found a lot of comfort in watching Vlogs, people like Zoella, Sprinklofglitter, PointlessBlog and Caspar Lee were staples of my tween years, and I never really grew out of enjoying vlogs.

Currently I absolutely adore watching the Michalack's Sunday vlogs- Stef and Hannah and their baby Grayson just have a weekly vlog that they put together completely beautifully, complete with silky montages and glorious music every Sunday and for some reason this beautiful little family's weekly world makes me feel so calm when I watch. I think it gives me perspective on my own life, as well as additions to my Spotify playlists... My little Sunday night routine after a stressful week and thinking about the Monday ahead has been, for a while now, settling down at night in bed with a nice drink and watching the Sunday vlog before I go to bed. It puts me in a good mood, it always has a good message, and they are just always done so well- you can tell the amount of work and passion that gets put into the videos and the appreciation Stef and Hannah have for what they do and the platform they have. I may even have to write a blog post about these beautiful creatures soon, but also I don't want to look like a weird stalker girl and write about this little family too much either!

Escapism is not always a good thing though, and like everything else in life needs to be done in moderation. Using YouTube as an outlet or for inspiration or comfort is in no way a bad thing, and so many people use it for such. But an overattachment or obsession is totally unhealthy. There is no way that fans or viewers can live vicariously through their favourite youtubers. it's impossible and irrational and it's also just not very healthy to be obsessed with how other people live their lives because you forget to live your own. I guess what I'm trying to say is escapism is good in small doses but in large quantities it can be destructive because you can lose yourself in the midst of your great escape from reality.