Feeding negativity.

So there's this natural thing that people do when they fall into that really strange and lonely cycle of negativity. When our own heads overwhelm us and everything really does feel like you're the only person around, it feels like nobody else cares, like nobody else wants to hear about the craziness and emptiness in your head- and it's a very weird place to be. The thing that people do is this: they take their negative experience and mindset and they start to feed that negativity.

We can fall into this loop where loneliness or sadness, anger or nothingness becomes what we know and what we're used to. For example, if we're used to being alone we will cancel plans and stay in all night thinking about those plans. We will take personally the "seen" messages and resent ourselves or other people for our loneliness, falling deeper into a negative mindset.

That's just one example of how people feed negativity. Negativity in any form, bad energy or karma or flow, or whatever label you want to give it, can be fed on the smallest things that we do- we can be our biggest obstacle. Why? Because our brains are amazing. We have the capacity to build ourselves into this incredible human being using our own heads. We can decide we are beautiful, we can decide we are confident and capable and that we can achieve whatever limits our own brain puts on us. Successful people do this a lot, they believe they can so they do. Our brains are our biggest enablers.

Equally, our brains can be our greatest obstacle. We can convince ourself we are alone, that we are less than, that we are sad or chubby or inadequate. We have the power to reduce ourselves into darkness, make ourselves feel small and insignificant.



It's so easy to feed a negative mindset- you have a bad day, a bad experience with a person or you make someone upset. you're stressed about work or school and you come home and crash. Your body is in overdrive because you're anxious or stressed or sad and therefore you feel this heavy tiredness. You don't want to move, you don't want to eat good food and socialise and go forward, you just want to it and be sad and soak it up. You want to watch trashy TV and wonder about Kim Kardashian's issues more than your own, you want to binge eat crappy food and scroll through Instragram and feel NEGATIVE.

Don't be embarrassed, don't feel like by stating this stuff I'm trying to call you out on your flaws because everyone does this. Sometimes it's good to feel sad and binge and feel a little sorry for yourself BUT it is not acceptable or healthy to let yourself do this every time something bad happens. The same way an alcoholic responds destructively to hardships in life by picking up a bottle of wine, tequila with breakfast, vodka midweek to soften the blow of work on Thursday morning... people who allow themselves to be consumed by negativity feed it through their actions. You sleep when you need to be productive, you miss out on hanging out with your friends, socialising networking, living your life!? By choosing negativity, feeling sorry for yourself as my mum used to (quite harshly) put it.

The act of choosing negativity can affect people badly in many ways. You have to think of happiness as a total choice that you're in control of. You can choose happiness. You can choose to let those little things get to you and ruin your day or you can pick yourself up and get on with it. You are the only person who can truly control how you feel, you have the capacity to identify and control your emotions, so why not do it in a way that improves your life?

When you're trying to have a less negative outlook on life, appreciate what you're doing and remove yourself from feelings of unhappiness, loneliness or just plain emptiness it's really important to be able to identify in your own mind where and how to make a change. Once you can identify your moods, your triggers and your actions you can then make changes that will enable you to cope better and handle your day to day challenges more effectively.

Life is never going to be perfect, and it's also too short to lie to yourself and think that there is an end goal of a perfect life. t's just not going to happen- you can plan every hour of your days for the rest fo your life, throw money at it, clothes, cars, homes at it, but you will always no matter your situation, face stressful scenarios. You will no matter your walk of life be hurt, be stressed, be anxious or angry or scared at one point or another in your life, we're human, it's an unfortunate side effect of our own condition. You just have to do the best you can to lead a fulfilling and happy life.

This is a list I wrote when thinking about how I tried responding more positively to panic attacks. I used to be at my most productive an optimistic about an hour after I had one, it was this weird time where I was kind of exhausted but also kind of relieved because although often whatever I had been anxious or stressed about was still most likely an issue, after I had a panic attack I tended to rationalise, to plan and organise myself. It's a weirdly ironic time to get a sudden wave of optimism but there we go. Below is a list of things I think are helpful in tying to avoid feeding negativity.

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1. Recognise your behaviour.

When I get into that weird negative head space I've noticed I have a lot of reoccurring behaviour and now that I know what I do when I allow myself to be negative I can recognise it in myself.

I tend to avoid any kind of social interaction. I get sad and lonely and then proceed to make myself feel worse by not messaging anyone or texting anyone to hang out or chat or converse in any way that would improve my mood. I tend to avoid going out and making plans, I convince myself they're going to be a disaster, that people would have a way better time without me and that I am not wanted or needed, therefore resulting in a lot of time spent on the floor of my room trying to find an excuse not to go out and convincing myself I am totally alone in this world that we live in. Looking back on this behaviour in a normal everyday mindset of a fully functional and currently happy person I can see how ridiculous this kind of thing is, but the thing is it happens and it's important no matter how ridiculous your behavioural traits to identify your behaviour and take steps to avoid doing these things.

I listen to really sad or angry music. There's a song for everything, when I was 13 I had my first "boyfriend"- his name was harry, he liked my Facebook profile picture and we held hands a lot. He subsequently broke up with me by text. In fairness I wasn't actually that upset about the break up as both being obscenely awkward with each other it was probably for the best- sorry Harry. I listened to Taylor Swift 'Fearless' album for a week straight and then got over it, it was perfect break up music. I tend to gravitate towards music that fits my mood, if I'm going through a tougher day then you can usually tell by my Spotify playlists. If there's a lot of old school Paramore and loud sad songs then chances are I'm feeding the sad/ angry thoughts in my head and angrily laying on my bed while my laptop plays loudly. After a while I start getting a little too into the songs and the shoutiness and the lyrics and get all resentful and upset- more than I even was before? If I can feel myself doing that I tend to stop or switch the track to something less heavy or more positive.

I get pissed off at every little thing, and I mean everything. Messiness is my biggest thing when I am upset or anxious. Now here's the thing, I am not a particularly neat freak type person. I don't need to have my room at right angles at all time, there is clean laundry on my bed, my desk, piled in the bottom of my wardrobe. Make-up and hair products litter my floor on a fairly daily basis because even if I put them away they all seem to creep back out of their box when I'm flailing about trying to get ready to go somewhere. I like my room to be clean, like hoovered and dusted, and I couldn't be one of those people who leaves food in their room but I'm not crazy about cleanliness. That is until I'm stressed or upset. I get really  mad if theres plates and cups out of the dishwasher, I hoover with a little bit of craziness if the carpet isn't looking s good. I tidy things into boxes with what my mother has pointed out is a very very serious face on and I get mad at every member of my family for not keeping the house in pristine condition. I now kind of know when I'm getting a little crazy and wiping surfaces with a little bit of malice... I'm nuts when I'm anxious.

2. Productivity makes every person feel better.

The reason I started this blog was to have a positive creative outlet where I could be productive in a way that would benefit both me and other people. I write a lot of little things just in a journal and stuff too, I've always liked writing and being creative, it's always been something I find so satisfying and calming. I tend to find when I am angry or upset I get really fidgety and I need to occupy my time with something. When I redirect my negative energy I tend to get a lot of shit done if I'm honest. I plan a couple of blog posts, my room gets tidied, I cook, I make to do lists- all that kind of stuff is a good and productive use of your time that not only occupies your thoughts and prevents your obsessing over your anxieties but also helps to organise your life and reduce stress in other areas.

3. If you can't help it, limit yourself.

Sometimes even when you are recognising your own behaviour, it can be really difficult to stop what you're doing and return to this normal clam place. Even if you can hear your own thoughts taking a turn for the more depressing side or more anxious side, it can be really difficult to pull yourself together out of that mentality. So if you really can't help but worry or stress or feel sad or lonely- it's totally normal, and acceptable to feel those things, sometimes you need to feel that way for a while so you can process things and THEN move along with your life. So, instead of stopping yourself immediately, limit yourself. Say "I am going to give this 10 minutes more of my time and then I am going to get on with my life", or "I will listen to 2 more sad songs and then get some clothes on and go out after some Beyonce", or "Screw this, I am going to chat to my best friend after I mope about for half an hour max". Do not let your bad moment and bad mood continue through your day, you can have a bad couple of hours, or hour, you can have a bad morning but don't let your mood ruin your own day because that is a slippery slope into being in a bad mood for a couple of days, or weeks, or months.

4. Find out what your quick fixes are. Mine go a little like this...

• Music, the cheesier the better- I tend to swing over to the Taylor Swift, One Direction side of thinks to reaffirm my shocking and mildly irritating belief in love. Then I usually follow with a little Beyonce or Rihanna to remind myself I'm strong and sexy and cool as hell. (I'm not but damn do I feel like it after a few tracks.
• Comfortable clothes- wear something that will make you feel good, that you know you look damn fine in and just put it on. Do your hair or your make-up just for yourself and you don't even have to go out. Just feel good in what you're wearing.
• Funny Youtube videos- vloggers, comedy videos, cat videos, whatever makes you smile!
• Socialising- you won't feel like it but I promise it will help. Make plans to hang out with a friend, talk to them about your worries or don't. Get a coffee, have them come over, make some food, chill out and just talk and interact. I swear it helps to talk to people, it helps to not be alone sometimes even if all you want to do is be by yourself. 

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Every single person in this world deserves to be happy and feel accepted and at peace with their life, every person has the right to live their life to the fullest and experience some level of self fulfilment and joy. Life is not always easy, sometimes it will be a real struggle and we have to cope with those times as best we can- how we handle the tough stuff is what makes us who we are, not our reactions to when life is smooth sailing.

Everyone has the capacity to make themselves happy and live a happy life, you're not only deserving but capable of creating that life for yourself. But, you have to choose that life. It is so so easy to feed negativity and allow it to consume you for days. It's so scary how many days you lose to negative energy, where it feels like you're just floating day to day trying to feel more than emptiness but
it can be so so different, it can be so much better. So don't lose days to that kind of mindset, life is too damn short to lose days over anything, you have to be able to see this bigger picture and make yourself a life you are proud of and happy to lead.

Riding the Waves.

I was reading over some of the posts I used to have on my old blog, little things about dealing with anxiety and mindfulness and I came across this post about riding the waves in life. This was one of the first times I ever fully addressed anxiety and panic attacks and just kind of wrote something straightforward, giving insight into how it can feel and how to deal with it in small ways, so I thought I'd share it because it's still relevant to my life today. I hope you find it helpful!

Recently I have been checking out the whole mindset of being 'mindful' to help me deal with any issues or anxieties I am having about my school work, social or home life, to try and organize my issues and various situations into more manageable chunks. As someone who does tend to panic, worry and generally get very anxious about stupidly small things, I feel like some of the techniques I use and some of the thinking I've been looking at might help other people in a similar position.So if you are the sort of person who has difficulty dealing with their anxieties and huge amounts of jobs then keep reading...

So here we are with the real talk: Sometimes it gets hard.
Sometimes life gets really overwhelming and real and important, and when that happens, everything seems to happen kind of at once. Nothing important or stressful happens by itself, it is always accompanied by other important or stressful things. I know, it sucks- but c'est la vie!
Sometimes there will be periods of time when it feels like nothing is ever going to be okay again.
Everything goes wrong, everything hurts, and the number of things that need to get done start to have an almost physical presence in your life.


1. Let me start by saying you are not alone in that feeling.
That weight, and that stress- that anxiety that keeps crashing into you like a wave, someone else has felt that way. In fact, many other people have felt that way.
So you should take comfort in the fact that your inability to handle and process everything that is happening to you, is something that we have all felt at points in our lives- you're not alone.

2. Breakdowns are human.
We are taught we need to be strong to be successful, this is not untrue. You need to be strong enough to chase your dreams, to be knocked down and to get back up again.
But it is an entirely human response once in a while, to sit down and feel sad- to be overwhelmed, to be emotional. Letting your sadness wash through you, letting the struggle hurt and addressing the fact you're angry or frustrated or upset is actually very healthy. human beings are not designed to be happy or strong all the time, we are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, We are flawed, it is a fundamental feature of our existence. It doesn't matter how pretty, or rich, or successful, or funny, or smart a  person is- they will have flaws. They will have too short a temper, be too harsh on themselves, be too harsh on others, fear relationships, test relationships, have issues with authority, have issues without any authority. The fact is no one is perfect, and the acceptance of our flaws and moments of weakness is okay.

3. Drowning.

Being overwhelmed is a horrible feeling- it's like everything you need to and are expected to do suddenly washes over you when you least expect it. You turn your back on the sea that is your responsibility in life and suddenly you're caught up in a strong salty woosh of horrible things. Jobs pile up, and the more there is the harder that wave hits you- and if you let that wave wash over you and drag you down it feels like you're drowning.
In this instance you have to hold on to something that will keep you afloat. This can be in the form of many things, the least healthy but arguably the easiest of which is people: good, kind, constructive people in your life will help you float to the surface of the problems you are having, by giving you advice and support to get you through.
This is highly effective, although you need to be careful how regularly you do this because those people, for whatever reason, may not always be there to bring you back up, leaving you to cope for yourself. So use people to stay afloat very rarely.
Alternative ways to keep yourself afloat include routine: have a set time to do things, go and sleep, make a little time for yourself, for your family, friends, extra curricular activities. But have them in a regular and achievable routine. This will help normalise your issues, or regulate the waves you feel. Organising yourself to the point you know when those waves or that intense pile up of jobs is going to happen will help you to prepare for their impact. Trust me, it helps.


4. Physical effects of drowning (ie: panic attacks and anxiety)

To deal with the physical effects of your emotional or mental "drowning"in your worries or anxieties it's really important to think about how the effect you physically. The most important is breathing:
breathing slower and more deeply is going to pull your body out of a sense of panic and shock, and once your body starts to stop freaking out, your head should automatically follow. It's like an anchor. Think about how you're sitting and if it is going to make you feel more light headed. Do not sit paralysed, movement helps to get the blood pumping round your body in a non-panicky way. Make sure you move, but as you do make sure you are doing things deliberately with force and focus: this way you don't feel like you're treading water and more like you're swimming to shore. The more you make a conscious effort not to panic and try to improve whatever situation you're in, the faster these overwhelming thoughts and issues can be resolved.

So there we have it, some real talk about how to deal with anxiety on a small and personal scale. I hope you find it helpful, and I'd love to hear anything you have to say about this or anything else I post!

X

Hello there!

Well hi there people of the internet!

This is a just a quick little introduction post to start up this little blog that I've been thinking about for a while now. I figured as I am putting myself out there on the internet I may as well offer an explanation as to why, and give a little background about it.

My name's Fatima, and this is just a little blog of posts about lifestyle, positivity and general happiness. It's a little space I wanted to create for myself and other people that is exclusively about living life as the best and happiest person you can be, because I think that there isn't very much space in, my life at least, for an area that exclusively dedicated to building a positive mindset. I've had a couple of other smaller blogs over the last few years, more personal ones where I would post about things like beauty products I loved or items I was massive fan of. However, I never really had that much of a theme to my blogs and tended to gravitate towards writing random posts about things I enjoyed, things that inspired me or things that were particularly relevant in my life. I ended up writing a product or beauty review once in a blue moon and writing slightly more personal things instead, so I figured if that's what I enjoy and what I'm best at, that why not fine tune that and create a space for myself that is devoted to that alone.

Over the last couple of years I have grown up much more than I ever thought I would, I've hit the highest and the lowest parts of my life, and, as everyone else does, worked through them and figured things out for myself. I am not in any way a finished product, I really don't think anyone ever is. But I wanted to start this little blog after looking over my old ones with that glorious thing we like to call hindsight: this funny little thing where you are older and wiser with more experience, capable of making better decisions (and mistakes). I looked back at a lot of what I used to write and realised that blogging was such a creative outlet for me to put out some kind of message or feeling that I had going on, and really helped me to sort through my own head by putting things into words

So, I decided to continue doing that this summer and really use this blog to create a space of my own and have a little voice in the world. Even if 2 people see this, and one of those is my mum I still really enjoy putting down what I think and feel (I'm a narcissist like that). So, here we have it: a collection of my thoughts and feelings about life, sprinkled with advice I want to give, or have been given and want to share, to try and put out there into the world for people who need it.

I think it's normal for people's teenage years to be the "best years of your life" in hindsight. You grow and you flourish and you become your own person, your own identity- and you're young enough to enjoy it with relatively little responsibility. But the people who look back at their teenage years with a beautiful nostalgia do not understand. In this world teenagers face very different challenges to the ones our parents faced in their youth- we live in different ages. Our parents never worried about how many likes they got on instagram or if the cute guy they're talking to is a catfish (hell, my mother still doesn't know why the show is called Catfish, and I've explained about 40 times). Our parents did not have the kind of exposure we do to the outside world in this digital age, that is both a blessing and a curse in this world. We have this incredible capacity to be interconnected and surrounded by people all the time, we have a space to express ourselves and be heard, but equally a space to be judged or brought down, or hurt. We have all had our own struggles and I think it's important for people to address them, but rather than using them to feed a negativity and a mindset that could hurt us, to instead address an issue and deal with it.

I guess the reasons I wanted to start writing this blog was to promote a happy mindset and lifestyle for myself and other people without sugar coating life, without painting everything like a rainbow and baking brownies of joy (and no, I don't mean weed). I think it's important to identify issues, I think it;s damaging for people to ignore things and internalise pain or suffering or struggle, but I think its also damaging to wholly express it on a constant basis rather than dealing with it. The thing about energy, negative of positive is that we create it and it can either consume us and lift us up or consume us and drag us down, with this in mind, that's how this little blog came about, to help fine-tune the good energy.

SO after the longest introduction post in the history of life, here it is: my little blog of positivity. I hope you find help or comfort or encouragement in it, because I know it helps to see things like this sometimes.

I hope you enjoy it!

Love, Fatima x